What is the biggest thing or idea that you have ever had to let go of? How did you do it?
For apparent ease, we are constantly referring to ourselves as markers of what we have done and who we are on the outside. I’m a yoga teacher, circus performer, sister, daughter, writer, wife. I’m a mother…
Getting used to this last one has been a trip. And it hasn’t even materialized yet. It’s in process. And the process - and past year - have been stressful. Full of changes! I’ve been studying with the Tantric scholar Chris Tompkins and tonight he was talking about just this. How when someone is having a hard time we often will say, Oh, they are going through a lot of changes these days. Like that is a new thing. It makes me laugh out loud this deep and commonly held belief that we are living in control of our lives. We all know better than that, right? It’s the resistance to change, or the unwillingness to accept it that makes it sucky and hard.
Lately, let’s say the last 5 months, I have been wildly resistant to the imminent death of my self. I don’t want to change! I’ve worked so hard to become who I am today! And now I have to let go of it? Who says? Oh, right I do. Because I understand that to make room for a new being in my life, in the form of a baby, I have to make room for the person that is going to care for him. Mother and child born in the same instant.
Things die in every moment. Sometimes things that are big and painful. Sometimes they are smaler and painful. And sometimes, it’s a relief. That’s death. It’s no new thing. But motherhood, impending daily, requires the biggest letting go that I have ever known. Starting (hopefully) soon and continuing over and over for the rest of my life.
Yoga is a practice of freedom. The teachings of Tantra tell us that that freedom is keeping the company of that which you truly are. When we stop associating our selves (directly or indirectly) with situations, people and things outside us, then we can step into who and what that is. To get free all you have to do is remember who you really are. Sounds simple, right?
One of the reasons that I *love* this practice is because it is simple. It can be tricky as heck navigating through the murky waters of WHO I AM-ness to the true center. And I’m right in the middle of it now. One of my favorite teachers of all time told me that the process of writing is like turning on a tap that has been dormant for a while. When the water first comes, it’s rusty (and sometimes stinks). But if you let it run, it may take time, but it will eventually run clear.
Same, same. Turn the handle of your divine tap to on. If it’s on, turn it up. When you remember who you really are, the clear waters of awareness will rush through and you can express any of the roles you play with authenticity and grace. I know you can, I know you will.