*In Jan I got married. Turned 33. *Feb I turned in my 20+ page Certification exam (that took around 30 hours to complete) to the Anusara Certification committee. *March, moved to Equatorial Guinea, Central Africa *forever*. Got pregnant moments after arriving... *In April I saw Berlin in the spring through queasy eyes on a bicycle with one of my best friends and had a brief rencontre with Paris. *late May I enjoyed in Seattle. My first nephew was born! Found out I was having a girl! *June I went to visit him in LA. I got a job offer to teach yoga and rented and painted an apt. in Hollywood. *In July, Rad and I drove a GIGantic truck down south. I went to Tahoe to a huge and gnarly yoga festival. I started my pregnancy blog. *By August I had started teaching after a 6-month hiatus, and found out that my fetal daughter was a son. *August, Sept getting ready for baby T-bone, adjusting to life in La La land, teaching teaching! and spending lots of time with Miles. *In Oct I visited my second family in Tucson at YO and became a piece of a then-unknown puzzle. *Nov was baby mania to the maximum. *Dec brought the birth of Cosmo and forever altered the fabric of my life, my heart, my body.
Big year for this Lawless.
Through all of it, the thing that keeps coming up is how NOT in control I am. I have spent many years so carefully crafting my control mechanism that it looks like vulnerability at times. But it's not, and now I'm ready to stop. I'm ready to throw off my security cape and soar into the unknown. Ok, not all at once, that might just break me. But the point is that I'm ready to start looking at this part of me that has been built up for so long that I forgot it was a construct I made (when I needed it). And I might not need it in the same way anymore, it might be time to let it go. Just like in relationship, things are constantly changing - the outer forms, the inner landscape - and if I can speak about them as they arise, as truthfully as I can, then there is a space for alchemy to occur. To transform along with the things around us.
Yoga for me is my language for connecting with Spirit. For recognizing the divine feminine, the divine masculine in all of us, for interacting in the world and feeling really alive. The asana component that is a large part of the practice helps me physicalize this every day. It helps me wake up to the wonder of Spirit in myself and others. Yoga has done it's own growth and transformation cycle in the past decade that has gotten a lot of talkback. Is this still real yoga (like they did in caves)?? and whatnot. The thing is, I don't really care about the semantics. It's 10 years out of hundreds and yoga is yoga. Making the connection of what it is for you and how to be in dialogue with it is the unifying force. Lately I've had to do some real investigation about what's important within it to me. It makes me miss my Uncle Bob, who was my unlikely partner and guide in so much of this discovery and clarification as an adult.
So this is as much for him as anyone. In 2012 I'm working with 3 words. Vulnerability. Courage. Forgiveness. I don't know what this will look like, but you will find me exploring these themes in my teaching, my writing, and in real time. What does it means to really be vulnerable? How can I be courageous enough to do so? How can I forgive myself and others for imperfections along the way? An adventure indeed.
What is your adventure for 2012? I'd love to hear about it and be of service in any way that I can. You can email me at whitneylawless AT (gmail). I extend gratitude to all of my teachers. I always wanted and never knew how to initiate a relationship like these. Turns out, it has to do as much or more with what I bring to it... Thank you Anusara for helping me see this more clearly. Thank you Denise, Darren, Christina, Rad and Cosmo and countless others for bringing it home.
Blessings to all of you,