The in between space

The in between space

photo credit Manuel Will

Did you listen to the first season of the Serial podcast? Sarah Koenig investigates a (then)15 year old murder story, digging and uncovering so much conflicting information and finally leaving us with a concisely non-conclusive conclusion. *Spoiler alert * We still don't know if he did it.

Have you ever had something happen that was totally out of your control? Or toiled over a decision, examined all the facts only to be no closer to an answer than you were at the start? Ever feel like you are floating in between the moments in time? The unknown calls us in many ways, and offers us the opportunity to respond in the moment. What will you do?

I have a few friends who are waiting for babies right now. In the last weeks and days before my babies came, this was the biggest call to presence in the face of chaos. I remember the anxious excitement. In attempts to create meaning or maybe an easy predictability, I tried to plan how it would go. Both times. Both times were amazing diversions from the plan. You know that joke? Q: How do you make God laugh? A: Tell her your plans. Bwah ha ha

Chance, or the unknown element of life, will grab you by the throat. She is vast and free and calls to our wildness. We respond. When you are in the space between knowing, it can stir magic as easily as madness. It is a terrible place to be if you fear losing control. Whatever your unknown is these days, it's calling you. To pause and breathe in the moment. To feel and listen before you move. 

In my early 20's I took my doe-eyes on a solo adventure to India. My first day in Calcutta a man told me,

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be experienced

I gaped and my heart warmed. Life is fleeting. You can easily miss it by being to busy, or asleep. The challenge of being present in unknown situations has long been a source of nourishment for me. But lately when I encounter the liminal space, I'm edgy and awkward. It's hard to smile. My every part cries out to please make the something certain.

As a long time yoga teacher, I meet people seeking healing. I see them working earnestly, but also trying to muscle their way through it. I watch as people put all of their focus into doing it better, doing it right. The striving efforts shoots us into the future. Come back. Come back and be here now. The Now. When you focus on the future or past, you close the door to presence. If you can metaphysically allow yourself to occupy both sides of a threshold, you are stepping into the paradox of life. Inspiration, creativity and transformation reside in the in between place of not knowing. They will offer their wisdom to you, but only when you stop chasing certainty for a moment and listen.

The pulsation of knowing is always in motion. There will be periods of wide, broken open expansion followed by equally concentrated phases of quiet, dark and motionless. This is the way that nature works. Look around and you'll see.  

This blog has been a part of sharing my own in between space for years. Sometimes I'm looking for answers, and others I'm just working to keep moving through the world with my eyes and heart open. And calling out to you warriors of light. 

Stay awake! Stay open! Keep moving. The world needs you right now. In your gorgeous defined uncertainty. Come home.

As ever,


For the days when through is the only way

For the days when through is the only way

forest bathers

forest bathers