Reveal Yourself - You are not Broken
Lately, I’ve been feeling really sensitive as a woman for all of the shit we are blamed for or made to feel inadequate about. And how I know that we internalize it to support our own structures of unworthiness. And this is not limited to women. Unworthiness is a phenomenon that affects everyone.
Unworthiness is that feeling that tells you you are not enough as you are. That you don’t deserve or goodness. It’s the thing that often will drive you to chase success in an unhealthy way. Yoga philosophy tells you that your feelings of unworthiness are a human condition. It’s something that happens for everyone, that affects all parts of your life, and that is your job to look at and get underneath.
Getting past the gate of unworthiness can be tricky. Especially if you have woven being unworthy into the fabric of your being. If it’s something that you cannot separate from yourself, keep reading.
You may have failures, and lots of them, but that does not make you broken. I’m here to tell you that you are worthy. Of love and goodness and success. A world that systematically reinforces that you are not enough is broken. We are all different and that is what makes us beautiful.
The way that I grew up, I learned to fight against this tidal wave of unworthiness very young. To myself, I called it someone else trying to boss me and I was not having it. If I felt something telling me “be small” “be quiet” or anything that felt like, “you are broken the way you are”, I stood up and started to fight. Oh HELL NO.
When I was 8, I had a very bad perm. We cut it off and for the next couple of years, everyone thought I was a boy. In response to this, I didn’t get small (in public), I got loud. “Maybe you’re in the wrong bathroom” I responded to an older woman. I am strong from saying hell no to all the shit that told me I was not enough for so many years and now I’m really good at it. Too good maybe.
I made a habit of rejecting what was not true to me, what felt dissonant with my values and my beliefs. I have said hell no. I have carved very clear boundaries. I have resisted with all of my heart and will.
Do you notice the negative language that I have also cultivated around this strength? There is so much no-ing all over my body right now. All over my self.
When we “no” ourselves, it is a strong message. Even if it is for the greater good. When I say no, I am actively in the ring with the forces of unworthiness. With the voices of “you are broken”. So even by saying NO and denying unworthiness, I think there is some implication that we still feel broken. I’m talking to myself here.
The alternative is wholeness.
It is to step out of the ring and be done with the fight. And I don’t even think you have to believe it to get out. You just have to want to stop fighting. I know this is not true for everyone.
Some of you will want to step into the ring and get your strength on. To remind yourself that you are strong enough to bust those messages of “broken” that come at you.
Either way, path to wholeness needs you. We all need to be awake about it.
As a yoga teacher I have falled into the well intentioned trap of offering alignment as a way to “keep you safe” or “protect your knees/low back etc”. This kind of language signals to your nervous system that you are fragile. A nocebo is when a negative expectation causes a detrimental effect on your health than it otherwise would (without the expectation). When you tell yourself that you are fragile, your nervous system responds by trying to protect you from the threat, and often creating pain, physical or mental. On the other hand, when you communicate confidence and wholeness to your nervous system, you decrease the perceived threat and can move more freely.
Starting today, my commitment to you is to eliminate this fear-based language in service of your wholeness. When I see you, I see your beauty. I see how you are shaped from your own experience of feeling unworthy and I am here to support you in recognizing your true self. Because one of the pieces of my work here is connection. Helping you to connect to the place in yourself that is strong and resilient.
For all that you have been through, you have come out of it in some way. I’m here to see you and encourage you to come out even more. You are not broken. I am not broken and you are not broken. We are all different and that is what makes us beautiful.
For me, I am ready to be done with the fighting. I’m going to say yes to my own wholeness.
I hope that something I write touches you in a way that makes sense and that if it does, you will reach out of the internet and let me know.