Reveal Yourself - Come As You Are
This week for my Artist Residency in Motherhood, I am tasked to share how I hold the paradox of being a sexual, sensual being and a mother in my body. I was ravaged by early motherhood, spiritually and physically. Today, and most days now, I’m a sexy beast.
Being pregnant is so sexual, and SO NOT at the same time. People feel like they can freely comment on and in many cases (but not mine) touch your body without permission. I grew some amazing breasts and felt ripe and luscious, but at the same time felt too big for everything. Then the babies came, and the depression came, and the physical healing came and the luscious body became a food bank for little hands and mouths.
When my second son was 7 months old, I booked a session to have nude photos taken of me and him. I didn’t really know what to expect, but what happened was that Jade invited me to inhabit my body as a home for beauty and juiciness. First, discomfort and disbelief. What?! Then, curiosity. How could I possibly hold my motherhood and sexuality in this same body at the same time??
I was barely managing the transition from woman to mother at that point. The thought that I could again be a sensual exquisite woman-being was laughable and absurd. Fast forward through some years of stress and pain with sex and lack of sleep for a book report break!
About a year ago, I bought the book, Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski “The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” and it changed my life. It is teaching me how to use science to support a healthy communicative sex life.
By recognizing your whole self - desires, habits, and history as relevant to your sexuality, you can make choices that will accelerate your arousal and desire. It’s interspersed with stories of 4 composite women and their relationships. For science based writing, it is very readable.
Here are the biggest takeaways:
We are all made of the same parts organized in different ways.
Context for sex is everything.
In our nervous system, there is not just fight or flight – there is also freeze.
“Feeling ok about how you feel - even when it’s not what you expected – is the key to extraordinary sex”
These days, whether I am walking with my kids or lifting weights, I feel how fucking sexy it can be on the inside to be a woman. Not just the idea of it and not for anyone else. But allowing myself to embody and hold motherhood and sensuality together.
I have birthed two children and worked through 7 years of marriage and sex with the same person. The communication, the willingness, the letting go is all working. Today, I feel more excited about my body and the possibilities of ecstasy than ever before.
Read this book. Listen to it, whatever. Get it in your sphere and change your world.