On Healing - Lessons from Birth
Today, on the day of his birth, I feel a tenderness that gets deeper with every passing year. I can recognize now that there was nothing that I did wrong, or nothing that I could’ve done differently to create a more harmonious birth. My pelvis is not too small for a baby to come through. I was not too strong for him.
One of the traps of living a spiritual life is thinking that if you do enough practice, you can shift the things that you don’t like about yourself, or in some cases, the world. There is some part of us, maybe the part that perfectionism latches onto, that says with more practice you can ostensibly erase the bad parts of yourself, or offer them to the light.
That is such a load of crap.
It is my deepest belief that we are here as humans NOT to get away from ourselves, but to learn how to live with ourselves as we are. To learn to love ourselves deeply and tenderly. This is not to say that we should stay in abusive patterns, or repeat our unhealthy habits. However much spiritual work we do, there remains the task of living in the world. With practice, we can move gracefully through the mundane with humor and self-love.
I’m always learning how to be kinder to myself as I deal with daily chores. It's not a blind acceptance, like it’s all good. I do my best to take responsibility for my actions without shame or blame. I know my lack of awareness affects other people, so I try to stay open and curious.
There is sensuality, beauty and wonder to be had in the moment. I want to be kinder to myself so that I can appreciate these things.
I am committed to bringing light to earth through movement, expression and awakening and teaching others to do the same.
Today I am here, 2 unplanned c-sections, 2 healthy boys, 2 beautiful deep scars and a continual new perspective on what it means to be a mother.
I’m ready to make forgiveness a devotional act.