Shifts in What You Think

When you know who you are, you can make magic happen. I learned that from a great clown, Janet McAlpin. She is a tiny person. Fierce and tiny. She was one of two teachers in my first clown class. There was a student we’ll call Willy. Willy had a big round belly, and insisted on trying to do things that were physically impossible with his shape, like touch his toes. He would get so mad, and we would laugh. Then he would get madder and try harder and we would laugh till we were crying. Because it was tragic. And in clown that often equals funny. She said these approximate words at one point: Willy, I’m short, that’s just how it is. You’re fat. Accept it and move on. Because although we were laughing and that was the point, Willy the dude was getting pissed, and that doesn’t serve.

There was some little part of me that knew I was not going to have an easy birth. I did everything calming I could think of in preparation, but in retrospect I am not surprised at all at the epic labor I had. I know that it is possible for *other people *to have dreamy 6-hour labors, all included. Just not me. I don’t want to rule it out for next time, just noticing how I am. I know exactly how I like most everything and am stubborn as all get-out.

Dealing with this sleep stuff is so hard! !! Because as a friend reminded me, sleep deprivation is a TORTURE METHOD used to weaken the infidels. So, tired and close to breaking, I stick stubbornly to my plan to NOT sleep train lil Tiger with a CIO method (look it up yourself). I know it’s possible. I know people that have successfully done it with more than one child! But it just doesn’t feel possible for me. This is not a pity party. Just me trying to accept what is. BUT HOW CAN WE KNOW WHAT WILL BE? We can’t. Ha! Take that Eevil Wonder.

yours in madness,

W